How to deal with inLaws

Today I am going to vent.
My sister in law has been in my house for the past 3 months. She is coming from the UAE with 3 of her kids to spend summer vacation. Nothing wrong with that. M'rahba like we say back home however, here is the complication.
List again :)

1. Her kids are not behaved. You will tell me they are kids. Well when you have her daughter calling me "mara" (woman) when she addresses me, I guess this is bad in any language.
2. Thet have a bad influence on my son. He is 2 and he picks up any word they say. you can imagine how mad I am
3. Her mother is a permanent resident of my house. I didn't say that. his mother lives with me. So the sis doesn't address me when she wants something, she goes to her mama. Imagine, all of a sudden I am invisible.

I am just tired tired and tired.

I need an advise. Should I talk to her or what should I do.

First Visit

December 19
A Letter to my Son: A conception

My baby it was with great joy I learnt you have chosen me to be your mother. On that beautiful night of August I heard you knocking at my door and to my great surprise I discovered you were there standing smiling upon me. Your Mother.
Thus started our great journey... One smile at a time. I have been waiting for so long. There were days where I lost complete hope, others where I had the energy to conquest the world for you. But now all is past, you are here. You and I one in this shell called love. United at last with the faithfully bond of destiny. Our love guided us to one another and we will get together to a safe shore. Our journey had just began.
Nine months my soul you have taken over me. I was the instrument to give you life. There were days where I could barely move, think but your gentle soul was always looking over me, giving me courage. One day, when you reached six month, you excitement to meet me became very noticeable and you were begging me to come out. I had to gently ask you to wait few more moons...
We spent endless night talking to one another. You discovered my voice and I your touch. Like a gentle guest you never hurt me. I talked to you about things I see, I feel and hope and you always listened to me patiently, you answered were few but I always heard you.
The Dr told me I should expect you on a beautiful Friday in May. That evening I waited patiently for a sign but you never gave me one, you were teasing me. I went for a long walk with the men of your tribe, we walked and walked to forget that the following day. My mother, your grandmother, came all the way from Morocco bringing tons of gifts. Her and I went through the same journeymany many years ago and now she came to hold our hands through this inititiation.
I woke up on Friday and there I got a sign, you were ready to come. I asked your baba to stay and help me, the three of us worked together and we welcomed you on May 20th at 12:06.
I just love you, you have tons of hair.
Mama

The Magic of Words

Arabs manifests the deepest respect and awe to Words. We are moved, transported by their power. While other take the brush to paint their feeling, the Arab take the words to create a world that encompassed all their past and future glories. That takes me to my favorite poet, Nizar Qabbani.
Nizar passed away a few years ago. He is from this generation which was able to raise above all the difficulties of their time, full of hope and enthusiasm, the man made borders and frontiers disappears at their contact. Citizen of the Arab world. Nizar was born a Syrian (my son's country), adopted Lebanon and loved Baghdad (our beloved). His poetry is a brise in the sky. From adoring women to oblivion, to loving his land to death, Nizar teach us form the grave that we still have hope, if only we can respect the word. His poetry is very controversial in our land, where women are considerate too precious to be courted in public. Nizar broke this taboo and talks to his beloved with the sweetness of the lover, praising her as mother, a companion and friend. Nizar is ageless. The rhythm of his words take you to a world where everything is simple and pure. Here is one of my favorite. (Better when read in Arabic)

When I love you

When I love you

A new language springs up,New cities, new countries discovered.

The hours breathe like puppies,Wheat grows between the pages of books,Birds fly from your eyes with tiding of honey,Caravans ride from your breasts carrying Indian herbs,

The mangoes fall all around, the forests catch fire

And Nubian drums beat.
When I love you your breasts shake off their shame,

Turn into lightning and thunder, a sword, a sandy storm.

When I love you the Arab cities leap up and demonstrateAgainst the ages of repression

And the agesOf revenge against the laws of the tribe.

And I, when I love you,March against ugliness,Against the kings of salt,

Against the institutionalization of the desert.

And I shall continue to love you until the world flood arrives;I shall continue to love you until the world flood arrives.

So Many Things Have Happened Since the Last Time I posted

It is so nice to be back and posting. Not that I blog so often :)
I am good at making lists, so here you go:

1. I started a new job with a Fortune 50 company and I am so excited about that
2. I still can't get pregnant
3. I am taking Acrylic painting lessons: my first painting sucks, my second is great because my son seems to love it.
4. I have read 3 books: Brida (Paul Coelho), People of the Books ( Geraldine Brooks), Hakawaty (Rabih Alamedine)
5. My in-laws are still besieging my house
6. I lost weight ( 3 kilos) still need more
7. I am still dealing with my mood swings

That's it

I am planning on revamping my blog and having a new section labelled: Letters to my son.

Will see

Much love to you guys

Women meeting

she:You lost weight:) Oh my god how did you do that
Me:I just cut down on carb
she:how you don't eat dinner? when do you eat your last meal?
Me:yes I do, I just try to avoid eating too much
No please tell us the secret
Me: sorry I don't have one
She:but you just had a baby
Me:yes I know
She:Are you planning on having another one
Me:I am working very hard on it
She: ( blushing and smiles) you are really
She: So what are you doing?
Me:... uhhhh (should I answer this one)

sometimes I wonder if they have anything to say other than these subjects: My husband said this, weight, kids.....

To be continued

Emptiness

I feel empty... I really do. With no clear purpose. This year has been very hard on me. I haven't been able to set a clear cut goal or goals. I feel like nothing is worth undergoing. I have some little stuff here and there, but nothing life changing. Nothing bigger than me. I lack motivation and purpose.
This is why I've been going back and looking in the past. this is the worst thing I can do to myself. I am not looking forward, I am looking into the past to find strenght.
What can I do to change this situation? I don't know, I really don't know. I want something to help me move forward.
A dream a little dream

Piano

Well, I received an answer from a prospective teacher. She is Russian and she agreed to give me classes after 7:00. I have to go buy a keyboard, I found a very affordable one close to my house. I need to find a place in my house to put my new trophy, I will dust it, cover it, love it until I can make it sing to me. I am so exited so happy, finally, I am almost there.

Like you H, I will be able to play. You disappeared from my life by it seems that your ghost is still lurking at every corner of my inner self. I know I need to have closure with you and the only way is to come to terms with the dreams I started with you . I didn't have time to have a closure in the last 4 years. I didn't think I needed one. I have been busy with so many things, but you have stood there defiing me. Toxic in your goodness. I thouhgt the last kiss at the airport was the last goodbye, an Adieu but I carried you in my lugage, I carried you inside of me despite of me.

I want you gone. Gone for ever. I am a new one today, I have new things happening. I can appreciate life better because you are not here. Don't get me wrong, you are not love, you are not even friendship, you are only the beginning of thread I didn't finish. A job that needs to be completed.
Piano started before you but you opened the wound. Today, I am going to close it and I am going to live the dream.

Watch me do it.

Dreaming in black and white

I've always wanted to learn piano. When I was a kid, I'd asked my mother, but the answer was no. A dry and hurtful no. I didn't understand. I really wanted to learn. In retrospect, I think it was a no we don't have money to indulge in your new whim.
Since then I always felt something was missing, I was not able to be like this family friend, who's mother was Russian and who good play. She was not bright but she had the right mentoring.

H used to play piano. I looked at his long and thick fingers cast their magical spell on the white an black notes. I so wanted to be able to make these sounds, any sounds just one. I was so taken by the music. il jouait faux Fairuz, but it didn't matter. Seeing he was able to play, opened the wound again.
For the past 4 years I've wanted to play. Just play. buy a piano and learn to play. I almost got there last year, I schedule a free class but never carried on with my good intention.
Nothing materialized, so today I sent an email to a couple of teacher I am hoping I m going to make the dive.

Will see

Weather

The weather sucks in Seattle, I am really tired of it. It is April and it is still raining like if it was December in Morocco.
I miss Morocco. What I really miss is the light? Morocco has this special glow to it. When you set foot in the airport you can see that the country is blessed with this light coming from a different color pallet than any other country. It designs a smile on your face. You feel all your senses transported to a different place, dimension. Things seem to nice and light.
Here in rainy Seattle, everything grey and gloomy. When the temperature hits 20 people go out in shorts.
I miss my mama

Ahlame

Yesterday I had an epiphany. I have been living in the past for the past 4 years. Does it make sense. May be not to you, but to me it makes great sense. Everything I have accomplished or screwed in the past 4 years were benchmark ed to what happened 4 years ago. Today I declare my freedom from my past. I am going to live and live and live.

I feel free and I am loosing weight yeahhhhh