Milestone

Yesterday was the first day of spring. It is also an anniversary. I reached a milestone in my marriage. 5years. As I reflect in the past years, I have little to celebrate. the birth of my son is the only thing that came out from this marriage. I love my son. But this is not why I am writing.
I am writing because I want to vent. Vent because this is the only thing that I can do for now.
I married outside. Outside my country, my citizenship, my culture.
I don't get along with him. He th

I Miss You

Habibty

I miss you. When you are around me I miss you. What happened to you? I miss you. So near yet so far away, what has become of your dreams, ambitions, grand plans. I miss you. I miss this gentle touch, this warm smile, this smell in the air when you come running toward me. Habibity where have you been. I am here dying with languish to the thought of being with you. Life has taken me from you and I have forgotten how your company has always been the greatest pleasure I've encountered.
I turn to the mirror and I see you, smiling with this sad smile that says so much about myself when I am just lost. My reflection replies back and says gently: I miss you too.

Bouthaina

Majliss

Take your words and paint. Paint with your words the world of Eden. Tamim Barghouty can take the mundane and fly you to heaven or hell

Thursday

I woke up to a chilly morning. It was cold outside, snuggling under my blanket I wanted to keep this warm fuzzy feeling before jumping outside my world to the cold world outhere. I aksed my husband to turn on the radio so I can listen to the morning news on my way of waking up. Little was my surprise when I heard that my company was laying off people this morning. I jump out of the bed, went to the bathroom and looked at myself on the mirror. The image I got back was of a scared woman, a woman who didn't know what the next hours will bring to her life. I utter few words and did my usual routine in a mechanical way. Dressed my son, asked him to make a prayer for mummy, kissed my husband who ask me how I felt, I replied "how would you feel", he replied bad. I didn't reply but smiled.
I drove all the way to work this morning after empting my bag planning for the worst that can happen. I was aksing myself, if it was what should I take with me. There was nothing I could think about. Only my mother, my father... How can I keep on helping them? How can I survive the jungle outthere. I am scared but I have faith. Everything happens for a reason.
I got to work and in the conference room, my boss was sitting there waiting. Waiting for me? No for the team to come so we can have a meeting. My first words were, have you heard about the Layoff. He said yes. so the next logical question: Am I affected? If you were youwould have known by now. A sight of relief...
I kept on going with my day, my friend came to take me to lunch for my BBD, we talked about the situation and I told her not to worry, she would have known by now if she was affected. Little did I know.
2:45 she sent me message. I got laid off... My heart dropped, my jaw crisped and my thoughts started running a 1000 km a sec. so it is now over, should I cry for her for me for the 1000 who are being affected. I didn't know how to react. I was looking at my inbox clued to the messages that would come telling me that was it.
3:00 came and i was relieved with a bitter tast in my mouth....
tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow will bring something different. tomorrow it could be me....

It is scary out there... but I have faith.

Today is a magical day

Today is President Barack Hussein Obama inauguration. I am so happy to be in the US and witness a Hussein that historical day. The road ahead will not be easy for him and us, but I hope against hope that we will go through it. I also wish this president will dig into his humanity to see humanity in this world. Many kids died in the past 3 weeks, for now reason other than might and show of strenght, they paid with their blood for the stupidity of the elders... I hope against hope that you Mr President will see to that no kids in this world will have to suffer from violence.

How to deal with inLaws

Today I am going to vent.
My sister in law has been in my house for the past 3 months. She is coming from the UAE with 3 of her kids to spend summer vacation. Nothing wrong with that. M'rahba like we say back home however, here is the complication.
List again :)

1. Her kids are not behaved. You will tell me they are kids. Well when you have her daughter calling me "mara" (woman) when she addresses me, I guess this is bad in any language.
2. Thet have a bad influence on my son. He is 2 and he picks up any word they say. you can imagine how mad I am
3. Her mother is a permanent resident of my house. I didn't say that. his mother lives with me. So the sis doesn't address me when she wants something, she goes to her mama. Imagine, all of a sudden I am invisible.

I am just tired tired and tired.

I need an advise. Should I talk to her or what should I do.

First Visit

December 19
A Letter to my Son: A conception

My baby it was with great joy I learnt you have chosen me to be your mother. On that beautiful night of August I heard you knocking at my door and to my great surprise I discovered you were there standing smiling upon me. Your Mother.
Thus started our great journey... One smile at a time. I have been waiting for so long. There were days where I lost complete hope, others where I had the energy to conquest the world for you. But now all is past, you are here. You and I one in this shell called love. United at last with the faithfully bond of destiny. Our love guided us to one another and we will get together to a safe shore. Our journey had just began.
Nine months my soul you have taken over me. I was the instrument to give you life. There were days where I could barely move, think but your gentle soul was always looking over me, giving me courage. One day, when you reached six month, you excitement to meet me became very noticeable and you were begging me to come out. I had to gently ask you to wait few more moons...
We spent endless night talking to one another. You discovered my voice and I your touch. Like a gentle guest you never hurt me. I talked to you about things I see, I feel and hope and you always listened to me patiently, you answered were few but I always heard you.
The Dr told me I should expect you on a beautiful Friday in May. That evening I waited patiently for a sign but you never gave me one, you were teasing me. I went for a long walk with the men of your tribe, we walked and walked to forget that the following day. My mother, your grandmother, came all the way from Morocco bringing tons of gifts. Her and I went through the same journeymany many years ago and now she came to hold our hands through this inititiation.
I woke up on Friday and there I got a sign, you were ready to come. I asked your baba to stay and help me, the three of us worked together and we welcomed you on May 20th at 12:06.
I just love you, you have tons of hair.
Mama